It seems like forever since I posted, and it seems so melancholy when I read it! What a downer, haha.
So in the time since my last post I found that I passed my degree with a 2:2 which isn't a spectacular grade but it'll do! Hopefully it was enough for me to gain entry onto a masters level course! hopefully in organic chemistry.
I also had a job for all of 8 weeks, which I guess at the end of the day I can't complain about, because it was in a lab. Even though there was minimal science, that's cosmetic science for you :P, it was an experience! An experience that has reinforced the fact that cosmetic science isn't the route I want to go down. I think i have firmly rooted myself into going in to Organic Chemistry.
Well apart from that it's been pretty boring, looking for a job so on so forth, playing mmorpg's as well as my xbox, please no console debates :P they both have pro's and cons, and now I look forward to the future and what it brings, hopefully I will continue in academia in the autumn of next year, I have missed deadlines to get in this autumn because of the job.
Oh well, onwards and upwards is the only way to go!
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Twas the night before, and all through the house..
It's the night before my final exam at this university, and all I can think of is you.. It's been a while since we were together; but I feel I need you right now to tell me that it's going to be fine, that I'll pass.. I wish you would tell me.
Why my thoughts before my final exam are of you and not the various solid state chemistry that I need to know, I don't know.. I once didn't need this from anyone, then you came along and it seemed like I needed your constant approval, you should know by now that I am not as strong as I once may have been.
Please tell me it'll be fine, that I'll pass, that I won't need to do anything else for this degree, just a message will do, no..? Nothing alright then...
On to sleep, I should be well rested for tomorrow's exam.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Graduated, but wait there's more?!
I learnt a few days ago that I have passed my final year, and I must say that I am elated, ecstatic even... I am so happy that I have passed my final year of university, but at the same time I am quite disappointed in myself, I graduated with a 3rd class degree.. With that class of degree my career is over before it even had a chance to start, but wait there's more; my amazing lecturers have decided to let me resit my final exam so I can get a better class of degree!
How amazing is that? Not many people get a chance to get a better mark once they know they have passed. I am very thankful to all of my lecturers for letting me resit I know I can do better and evidently so do they!
So with a BSc (Hons) under my belt I am now free to pursue my MSc in Sweden like I wanted to, or I may even go somewhere else who knows what will happen, I just believe that my education here in the UK is finished.
In other news I am getting a new tattoo, I a getting a sleeve of various game and manga/anime characters, I have no idea how long or how much money it will take to get the whole sleeve finished but I know that I want it.
I am off now to dream of having a sheesha, unfortunately there isn't a huge Arabic community where I live to indulge myself with the luxury of a sheesha, it will happen soon enough; I crave it, I crave the blue mist that I was fortunate enough to try through my friends. How I miss it.
Monday, 17 December 2012
Tragic
Over the last while I have been shocked and appalled at America, this isn't America bashing either. I find it shocking and appalling that America is the only place that you hear of "mass shootings". It is shocking that a person with a firearm is allowed to just walk into a cinema and shoot people, to walk into a primary school and kill 20 children that haven't even lived a life yet! It is appalling that these things happen, I'm not saying the UK is a perfect place, to be quite frank nowhere is, but for a guy to walk into a primary school, or a cinema, or other schools, workplaces, corporate buildings, government buildings whatever and then just shoot people.
Yeah I understand that kids get bullied (a reason for several school shootings) and people are depressed, but does that really give the right to kill? Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye, would make the whole world blind" And it seems to be going that way!
The reason for this post is the recent killing of 27 people in a primary school in America. I'm not one to usually comment on things really but this just boils my wick, it gets on my nerves.. Its great that America has certain rights that its constitution gives each citizen, but the one where it enables practically everyone to have guns (I say practically because I do not exactly know the specifics of that constitutional right, it is my understanding of it, feel free to correct it) to defend their homes or land or whatever, yeah that's great and all, but according to UNODC figures, the US has a firearm homicide rate of 2.97 per 100,000 people, something needs to be changed. I understand that other countries have a higher firearm homicide rate and those countries need to improve their firearms regulations, but the US has had its schools shot up for too long now, it certainly has a colourful history of pupils in schools being killed.
The first recorded shooting was in the 1700's and every century since then, there has been quite a few. During the last 20 years collectively there has been nearly 400 deaths from shootings in schools, hell in 1998-1999 nearly 4,000 American students, that were children for the most part, were expelled from their respective schools for bring a firearm to school. If that doesn't scream for the crackdown of firearm control then I don't know what does!
To be honest I want this to be the last one, the recent killing of primary school children should be the last, mankind will always find ways to kill each other, but when that involves a 20 year old, going into a primary school with a firearm then killing 20 innocent 6 and 7 year old's along with 6 teachers, then there's something wrong with the constitution that allows that. Because that's what allowing the public to have firearms does, it gives them the thought that when someone has wronged them in some way, they can go and kill some people!
It makes you wonder what kind of world and society we live in, one that allows that to happen. It certainly doesn't do much for the god-fearing people, because honestly what kind of god would allow that? I mean if god was willing but not able then that would not make your god omnipotent, but if he was able but not willing then your god is malevolent, and if finally your god is not willing nor able then why call him god?
Its a terrible shame when children are killed, a terrible shame when one person decides that 20, 6 and 7 year old's have lived as much of a life as they are allowed before cutting it short, who knows there could have been one or many that could solve that many problems of human kind, or discover intelligent life in the universe (because we are still a very very violent race, so we are not really that intelligent are we?) or a cure for cancer, or the next great composition anything could have come from those children, is the point.
So my condolences go out to the parents who never get to hug their child again, to the families that will never celebrate another birthday for that child, for the loss of life to mankind.
Yeah I understand that kids get bullied (a reason for several school shootings) and people are depressed, but does that really give the right to kill? Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye, would make the whole world blind" And it seems to be going that way!
The reason for this post is the recent killing of 27 people in a primary school in America. I'm not one to usually comment on things really but this just boils my wick, it gets on my nerves.. Its great that America has certain rights that its constitution gives each citizen, but the one where it enables practically everyone to have guns (I say practically because I do not exactly know the specifics of that constitutional right, it is my understanding of it, feel free to correct it) to defend their homes or land or whatever, yeah that's great and all, but according to UNODC figures, the US has a firearm homicide rate of 2.97 per 100,000 people, something needs to be changed. I understand that other countries have a higher firearm homicide rate and those countries need to improve their firearms regulations, but the US has had its schools shot up for too long now, it certainly has a colourful history of pupils in schools being killed.
The first recorded shooting was in the 1700's and every century since then, there has been quite a few. During the last 20 years collectively there has been nearly 400 deaths from shootings in schools, hell in 1998-1999 nearly 4,000 American students, that were children for the most part, were expelled from their respective schools for bring a firearm to school. If that doesn't scream for the crackdown of firearm control then I don't know what does!
To be honest I want this to be the last one, the recent killing of primary school children should be the last, mankind will always find ways to kill each other, but when that involves a 20 year old, going into a primary school with a firearm then killing 20 innocent 6 and 7 year old's along with 6 teachers, then there's something wrong with the constitution that allows that. Because that's what allowing the public to have firearms does, it gives them the thought that when someone has wronged them in some way, they can go and kill some people!
It makes you wonder what kind of world and society we live in, one that allows that to happen. It certainly doesn't do much for the god-fearing people, because honestly what kind of god would allow that? I mean if god was willing but not able then that would not make your god omnipotent, but if he was able but not willing then your god is malevolent, and if finally your god is not willing nor able then why call him god?
Its a terrible shame when children are killed, a terrible shame when one person decides that 20, 6 and 7 year old's have lived as much of a life as they are allowed before cutting it short, who knows there could have been one or many that could solve that many problems of human kind, or discover intelligent life in the universe (because we are still a very very violent race, so we are not really that intelligent are we?) or a cure for cancer, or the next great composition anything could have come from those children, is the point.
So my condolences go out to the parents who never get to hug their child again, to the families that will never celebrate another birthday for that child, for the loss of life to mankind.
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
To be.. or not to be..
I have recently watched Hamlet done by the Royal Shakespeare Company for the BBC, the David Tennant and Patrick Stewart one, directed by Gregory Doran. I found Tennant's Hamlet to be quite the take on the character. He was portrayed as even more of an emotional wreck that he seems. There is one scene with hamlet that everyone knows, yet no-one really knows. It is the famous soliloquy from act 3 scene 1, or the "nunnery scene", here is the video:
Hamlet believes himself alone in the throne room, but Polonius and Claudius are watching because they believe him mad from neglected love between himself and Ophelia. Ophelia comes in at the end of the speech, which is where the name "the nunnery scene" stems from. This rendition of that soliloquy seems to cut right through you, because he is looking into the camera, and it is like peering into an incredibly private moment of dark thought. I particularly like it because there is much emotion thrown into it, its like every word crackles with emotion!
For those who do not know the soliloquy, here it is:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocksThat Flesh is heir to?
'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished.
To die to sleep,To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Hamlet believes himself alone in the throne room, but Polonius and Claudius are watching because they believe him mad from neglected love between himself and Ophelia. Ophelia comes in at the end of the speech, which is where the name "the nunnery scene" stems from. This rendition of that soliloquy seems to cut right through you, because he is looking into the camera, and it is like peering into an incredibly private moment of dark thought. I particularly like it because there is much emotion thrown into it, its like every word crackles with emotion!
For those who do not know the soliloquy, here it is:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocksThat Flesh is heir to?
'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished.
To die to sleep,To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Sunday, 16 September 2012
I'm back at uni...
Earlier this year I decided I would go back to university, probably the best thing I have ever done. However at this current moment in time I am exactly where I was 4 years ago, in a strange place knowing no-one. I can tell you that it sucks to be in that position especially when two years ago I was surrounded by people I knew here, was doing quite a bit. yet now all I do is sit in my room watching stupid things because I have no where to go or anyone to hang out with. Freshers week hasn't even started yet, and I still have a week to go before it has!
I have had a lot of time this past year to reflect on what kind of a person I am, and as I see it at the moment I am not a very good one. I am, putting it politely, a nuisance. I just bother people! I have had so many problems this past year, I have been quite depressed about not having a job or being at uni, I am still depressed about being broken up with; but as I see it, it was definitely the best choice for her because I am a mess!
If I had of gone back last year then, I'd definitely be in a better place in terms of where I am in my life. My goal is to start studying in Sweden next year, but the way I am going at the moment that's no going to happen. The thought that it won't happen scares the crap out of me, because if I fail that then what else do I have to do. Nothing! I have to get there for my own sake! I need it, I want it so bad!
The first step is getting a job, because in Sweden it is expensive to live there and just everything is ridiculously priced in my opinion, but that's just probably because I am from a relatively cheaper country. More importantly once I have gotten a job, the next step is to improve my Swedish, which at the moment is really rather limited. Once my Swedish is a lot better and once I have recomposed myself then I can get onto the next step which is to win that girl back! Then after that the obvious stuff is next, find a place to live in Sweden, as well as a job; because lets face it I'm going to need one over there!
Other goals that I have got going on this year, that is no where as important as getting a job, is to loose weight I have a goal to get to by Christmas and it'll work, because this academic year I am really focused I want everything that I have set my sights on! I will get everything I have set my sights on!
Sunday, 2 September 2012
Points of View!
To start off with, I will define Point of view!
point of view. Dictionary.com. Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. HarperCollins Publishers. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/point of view (accessed: September 01, 2012).
As stated above by the Collins English Dictionary a point of view is something that someone thinks about someone/thing, emphasis on the thinks.
As one who has previously consumed alcohol, the way I feel about it now is very confusing and weird for me. From going from enjoying a night out to absolutely despising the yeasty abomination that is alcohol! I know how the feelings came about, they came about because I was with someone whom themselves hated alcohol, and the way I felt every time I went out and she wasn't going anywhere not due to her being under age but due to a hatred that festered from some unknown place.
And now the tables are turned, I didn't think I was at a stage where I would really despise anyone whom I knew and drunk alcohol for no other reasons than to just get drunk. She is now going out and socialising with people in environments where she, herself consumes alcohol. For some unknown reason that leaves me feeling nothingness I hate it but I have gotten to a point where I, myself feel that I can do nothing or feel nothing just to try and separate myself from this huge engulfing sadness that ensues at the thought of her or anyone I know for that matter, drinking alcohol.
Why can I not go back to the way I was, not necessarily consuming mass amounts of alcohol, or really any alcohol for that matter. I would enjoy going back to a time where I didn't feel sad at the thought of someone I hold dear to myself drinking. I have been told not to view her as drinking to get drunk as if she dislikes a drink she'd be happy drinking a non-alcohol variant. But as one with an extreme point of view on alcohol, it is rather hard to do this.
What has made me inherit this extreme point of view? What is it I can do to rid myself of this extreme point of view?
| point of view | |
| — n , pl points of view | |
| 1. | a position from which someone or something is observed |
| 2. | a mental viewpoint or attitude |
| 3. | the mental position from which a story is observed or narrated:the omniscient point of view |
As stated above by the Collins English Dictionary a point of view is something that someone thinks about someone/thing, emphasis on the thinks.
As one who has previously consumed alcohol, the way I feel about it now is very confusing and weird for me. From going from enjoying a night out to absolutely despising the yeasty abomination that is alcohol! I know how the feelings came about, they came about because I was with someone whom themselves hated alcohol, and the way I felt every time I went out and she wasn't going anywhere not due to her being under age but due to a hatred that festered from some unknown place.
And now the tables are turned, I didn't think I was at a stage where I would really despise anyone whom I knew and drunk alcohol for no other reasons than to just get drunk. She is now going out and socialising with people in environments where she, herself consumes alcohol. For some unknown reason that leaves me feeling nothingness I hate it but I have gotten to a point where I, myself feel that I can do nothing or feel nothing just to try and separate myself from this huge engulfing sadness that ensues at the thought of her or anyone I know for that matter, drinking alcohol.
Why can I not go back to the way I was, not necessarily consuming mass amounts of alcohol, or really any alcohol for that matter. I would enjoy going back to a time where I didn't feel sad at the thought of someone I hold dear to myself drinking. I have been told not to view her as drinking to get drunk as if she dislikes a drink she'd be happy drinking a non-alcohol variant. But as one with an extreme point of view on alcohol, it is rather hard to do this.
What has made me inherit this extreme point of view? What is it I can do to rid myself of this extreme point of view?
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Fanta
Earlier today I tried some new fanta, for those who may not know fanta is a fruit drink but a fizzy drink. There are lots of flavours out there but the one I tried seems to be new, at least to my country. The flavour was Mango and Passion fruit, the combination seems rather weird but it actually tastes niiiiiiice.
Apart from the new fanta life has been pretty much the same as it usually is, boring.. living in the countryside does that to a person ha-ha. Its all fun and games really.. I think that's enough for this post, I'll probably be posting again sometimes soon. Something with a bit more substance.
Apart from the new fanta life has been pretty much the same as it usually is, boring.. living in the countryside does that to a person ha-ha. Its all fun and games really.. I think that's enough for this post, I'll probably be posting again sometimes soon. Something with a bit more substance.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Valentines day..
Today is valentines day, a day that is devoted to couples having a night out because it is a "special" day. A day that has been thought up by corporations to get more money from people so they can increase their profits. Yet for the single person or the recently made single it is a painful memory of the fact they have no special person in their lives..
In that sense a song comes to mind, 'the forgotten one' by Times of Grace, I am drawn to the chorus of that particular song; It goes something like this:
'Lost in a sea of sadness,
Blind in this place of darkness,
If I fall would you be there to raise me up,
Or will I become the forgotten one?'
That songs chorus has been plaguing me for quite some time because of recent events. So as a result I have been rather depressed. I guess the previous posts about it mean everyone knows. haha..
But instead of this post being about a melancholic world, and me having a melancholic life and all that jazz. I would like to quote a playwright and an actor.. Shakespeare and Patrick Stewart..
'My love is a fever, longing still for that which no longer nurseth the disease.
In faith I do not love thee with mine eyes for they in thee see a thousand errors see, but tis mine heart that loves what they despise, who in spite of view are pleased to dote - shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely, and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.'
In that sense a song comes to mind, 'the forgotten one' by Times of Grace, I am drawn to the chorus of that particular song; It goes something like this:
'Lost in a sea of sadness,
Blind in this place of darkness,
If I fall would you be there to raise me up,
Or will I become the forgotten one?'
That songs chorus has been plaguing me for quite some time because of recent events. So as a result I have been rather depressed. I guess the previous posts about it mean everyone knows. haha..
But instead of this post being about a melancholic world, and me having a melancholic life and all that jazz. I would like to quote a playwright and an actor.. Shakespeare and Patrick Stewart..
'My love is a fever, longing still for that which no longer nurseth the disease.
In faith I do not love thee with mine eyes for they in thee see a thousand errors see, but tis mine heart that loves what they despise, who in spite of view are pleased to dote - shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely, and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.'
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Cheestrings
I am eating a cheestring right now.. the name of course is trademark of Kerry foods and copyright protected.. now that the legal bit is over I think I can state that this has nothing to do with cheestrings.. I was stuck for a title name.
It is two months into 2012 and already it sucks, now being an atheist I can't really blame God or Allah or any religious deity, monotheistic or not.. So I shall do what I think every atheist does and blame the Universe. As it goes I am still jobless so the possibility of University comes back into play, but it is a lot to pay £9000 for a year. We'll see how that one works out.
At the moment I am feeling rather melancholy and that about sums things up. I believe that I would be a psychologists wet dream, but then again I would reason that anyone in maybe a similar would probably think that, or maybe its because I am arrogant.. its probably the latter. Later today hopefully I am going to give blood, I would reason that I am doing that now because its the only way I can hurt myself legitimately and then help someone too. And now I am wishing that my bone marrow is a match to someone so that doctors can stick a giant needle into my hip, and because I am the way I am, I would say no to anaesthetic.
I'll tell you what blog, I have no idea what to do with my life any more. I had it all sorted out, I was going to go to university and get a degree, I only came out with a foundation degree, and then I was going to get a job in the chemistry sector, because I love working in the lab. I had even hoped that I could eventually have kids. Its all good and well to plan your life like this, but in reality none of it goes the way you want it too, at university I fell in love, with a girl that is the most amazing girl in the entire world, and that was good for like 2 and a half years, I honestly have no idea how the hell she put up with me. And people may say that she was my first love bla bla bla you'll feel strongly when you break up bla bla bla.. Now that's all fan-tabby-dosey but the way I feel is that honestly she was teh one, you know the one you hear about in films and shit, and she slipped through my fingers, and I let it happen, I let the relationship decline to such a point where we were constantly arguing and she didn't feel the same about me any more. As far as cliché goes it could be said that if she was the one then she will come back round or some such thing.
It stands to reason that in physics things happen in pairs, there is no singularity even at a quantum level.. or something like that.. remember I am only a chemist.. but if I go by that then logically there is someone else whom I can feel strongly about.. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a Hydrogen molecule, yes I am making a chemistry analogy so don't leave yet, think about it a Hydrogen molecule can only make a bond with one other molecule so in that way it is monogamous. Now I am not endorsing polygamy or anything in that sense because this strictly refers to non-married couples and everyone else. So if a Hydrogen molecule bonds with something else it gives its only electron to do so thus creating a bond now say if a carbon molecule came alone, it can bond with 4 hydrogen molecules often creating double and triple bonds now obviously these are stronger than single bonds but if a hydrogen molecule is in a double bond with oxygen or carbon then how does the hydrogen molecule get over the fact that it was gotten rid of in a reaction.. and that's relatively how I feel so I wish that I was something along the lines of carbon or oxygen.. but I'm not.. I guess I have to get over her the best that I can.
In all honesty that chemistry analogy seems rather shoddy now that I have read through it.. I think that she was the one.. the one that I could have spent the rest of my life with, but I guess she didn't feel the same way. I guess only time will tell, and only time can heal these massive gouges I have in my heart, obviously the one that feels so the metaphorical not literal.
And as an end to this post.. I leave with this.. Cheestrings are nice.. and its weird how no-one really uses a diary any more, people have gotten braver with their feelings and shizz..
It is two months into 2012 and already it sucks, now being an atheist I can't really blame God or Allah or any religious deity, monotheistic or not.. So I shall do what I think every atheist does and blame the Universe. As it goes I am still jobless so the possibility of University comes back into play, but it is a lot to pay £9000 for a year. We'll see how that one works out.
At the moment I am feeling rather melancholy and that about sums things up. I believe that I would be a psychologists wet dream, but then again I would reason that anyone in maybe a similar would probably think that, or maybe its because I am arrogant.. its probably the latter. Later today hopefully I am going to give blood, I would reason that I am doing that now because its the only way I can hurt myself legitimately and then help someone too. And now I am wishing that my bone marrow is a match to someone so that doctors can stick a giant needle into my hip, and because I am the way I am, I would say no to anaesthetic.
I'll tell you what blog, I have no idea what to do with my life any more. I had it all sorted out, I was going to go to university and get a degree, I only came out with a foundation degree, and then I was going to get a job in the chemistry sector, because I love working in the lab. I had even hoped that I could eventually have kids. Its all good and well to plan your life like this, but in reality none of it goes the way you want it too, at university I fell in love, with a girl that is the most amazing girl in the entire world, and that was good for like 2 and a half years, I honestly have no idea how the hell she put up with me. And people may say that she was my first love bla bla bla you'll feel strongly when you break up bla bla bla.. Now that's all fan-tabby-dosey but the way I feel is that honestly she was teh one, you know the one you hear about in films and shit, and she slipped through my fingers, and I let it happen, I let the relationship decline to such a point where we were constantly arguing and she didn't feel the same about me any more. As far as cliché goes it could be said that if she was the one then she will come back round or some such thing.
It stands to reason that in physics things happen in pairs, there is no singularity even at a quantum level.. or something like that.. remember I am only a chemist.. but if I go by that then logically there is someone else whom I can feel strongly about.. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a Hydrogen molecule, yes I am making a chemistry analogy so don't leave yet, think about it a Hydrogen molecule can only make a bond with one other molecule so in that way it is monogamous. Now I am not endorsing polygamy or anything in that sense because this strictly refers to non-married couples and everyone else. So if a Hydrogen molecule bonds with something else it gives its only electron to do so thus creating a bond now say if a carbon molecule came alone, it can bond with 4 hydrogen molecules often creating double and triple bonds now obviously these are stronger than single bonds but if a hydrogen molecule is in a double bond with oxygen or carbon then how does the hydrogen molecule get over the fact that it was gotten rid of in a reaction.. and that's relatively how I feel so I wish that I was something along the lines of carbon or oxygen.. but I'm not.. I guess I have to get over her the best that I can.
In all honesty that chemistry analogy seems rather shoddy now that I have read through it.. I think that she was the one.. the one that I could have spent the rest of my life with, but I guess she didn't feel the same way. I guess only time will tell, and only time can heal these massive gouges I have in my heart, obviously the one that feels so the metaphorical not literal.
And as an end to this post.. I leave with this.. Cheestrings are nice.. and its weird how no-one really uses a diary any more, people have gotten braver with their feelings and shizz..
Friday, 30 December 2011
Problems
How does one remain friends with someone that broke up with them, or vise versa. Its extremely hard and to be honest i guess at first it is quite problematic because there may or may not be residual feelings for the other party, but I would have to say that to get over things quickly would be to immerse yourself in something, for instance me in a book on mathematics and statistics for scientists and a book on quantum physics for scientists and technicians..
To be honest I haven't really learnt a lot, at the moment, but that might be down to the fact that maths was not really a strong point of mine, even though I have a foundation degree in chemical sciences. I have never been good at maths, but one can master something like maths if one just keeps on plugging away at it, and practices pretty much every day.
That is what will be my resolution for the new year to master my maths skills, I ended up with a D in maths at GCSE level, it may have been down to the fact that I didn't listen or I wasn't taught very well, the excuses are endless. I will do well at maths and be a better scientist as a result.
That is all for this post, so to reiterate.. Immerse yourself in something after a breakup, I'm bad at maths but I want to get better..
To be honest I haven't really learnt a lot, at the moment, but that might be down to the fact that maths was not really a strong point of mine, even though I have a foundation degree in chemical sciences. I have never been good at maths, but one can master something like maths if one just keeps on plugging away at it, and practices pretty much every day.
That is what will be my resolution for the new year to master my maths skills, I ended up with a D in maths at GCSE level, it may have been down to the fact that I didn't listen or I wasn't taught very well, the excuses are endless. I will do well at maths and be a better scientist as a result.
That is all for this post, so to reiterate.. Immerse yourself in something after a breakup, I'm bad at maths but I want to get better..
Sunday, 27 November 2011
Rule #32 - Enjoy the little things
When I feel down and whatnot, I think of zombieland. The films main protagonist goes by a set of rules to survive the zombie apocalypse. Many of these rules can be put into practise in the real world, like #32, enjoy the little things.
For those of you who know me, so I assume none of you, I am short sighted. That means that I can't see things that are far away from me, it's just a blur. Its from my mothers side of the family, which means that I have to wear glasses. At some point in my life I want to have laser eye surgery. I wear contact lenses too and today I had them in and I looked up at the sky whilst it was dark and the stars were visible to the naked eye, and what I saw amazed me because usually I can see blurry stars. But today I saw them in clear vision and it impresses me its that kind of thing that makes me enjoy being alive and whatnot.
The stars are an amazing entity, as is space.. seeing pictures taken by the hubble space telescope and whatnot makes you appreciate it all especially when the pictures are taken in infra red to get something other than complete darkness.
I believe that every one should enjoy the stars because that is one of their purposes, I like to go to a quiet place and just look at the stars and occasionally think about things, but that might be for another post.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
what would you do?
Life, and its infinate mysteries.. Scientists and spiratulists alike trying to figure a specific meaning to lifes mysteries.. I was thinking today in all of my infinate wisodom or rather finite wisdom, that there can't be one reason to life there has to be more than one reason.. But I am no where near qualified to answer those types of questions.
So instead I ask a different question, a rather nerdy one at that. Hypothetically, and I mean hypothetically because there is no proof that it could ever happen, if there was a Zombie apocolypse what would your contingency plan be?
I know someone who would just hide and if discovered wouldn't put up a fight, and I know others that have lots of things planned out. Now as a geek or nerd or whatever you want to call me, I do spend quite a bit of my day thinking about said apocolypse and to be honest I can't really come up with a whole deal because the area where I live is country side, and that may not be so bad in respects of finding secluded places to hide but it does give rise to a whole different set of problems.
For instance, if I was to stay in the country side I would have to stock up lots on food and petrol/diesel and possibly water. And then if I ran out it would take a while to get to the nearest place that had a supply of those things. Now my country side isn't as bad as that I live in a small town quite far from a big town.. so I have supplies here for the time being.. But there are places that are rather remotely desolate.
And then you come to weapons, now I could use a gun against a zombie because lets face it a zombie is just a shadow of the former person it was, but I would only use a gun as a last resort because they do attract alot of attention i.e the loud bang. And I would carry around a knife of some sort because one could always use a knife..
I am not sure what else to consider appart from lodgings, but lets face it everyone has different ideas of where to stay out a zombie apocolypse, some would constantly travel, others would rather stay in a pub. I think I am a fan of finding a place near to a supply area but not too near.. and most definatly not somewhere that is in the middle of nowhere..
So instead I ask a different question, a rather nerdy one at that. Hypothetically, and I mean hypothetically because there is no proof that it could ever happen, if there was a Zombie apocolypse what would your contingency plan be?
I know someone who would just hide and if discovered wouldn't put up a fight, and I know others that have lots of things planned out. Now as a geek or nerd or whatever you want to call me, I do spend quite a bit of my day thinking about said apocolypse and to be honest I can't really come up with a whole deal because the area where I live is country side, and that may not be so bad in respects of finding secluded places to hide but it does give rise to a whole different set of problems.
For instance, if I was to stay in the country side I would have to stock up lots on food and petrol/diesel and possibly water. And then if I ran out it would take a while to get to the nearest place that had a supply of those things. Now my country side isn't as bad as that I live in a small town quite far from a big town.. so I have supplies here for the time being.. But there are places that are rather remotely desolate.
And then you come to weapons, now I could use a gun against a zombie because lets face it a zombie is just a shadow of the former person it was, but I would only use a gun as a last resort because they do attract alot of attention i.e the loud bang. And I would carry around a knife of some sort because one could always use a knife..
I am not sure what else to consider appart from lodgings, but lets face it everyone has different ideas of where to stay out a zombie apocolypse, some would constantly travel, others would rather stay in a pub. I think I am a fan of finding a place near to a supply area but not too near.. and most definatly not somewhere that is in the middle of nowhere..
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Fixed
I thought that my laptop was broken, I was told that my heatsink had melted through my motherboard. This I found was wrong, all I needed was a new stick of RAM (random access memory) to make it work again, so I find myself with a laptop now.. :) This makes me well happy, because I don't have to use the desktop anymore!
There was a constant competition to try and get the desktop always, because everyone on in the family wanted to get on at the same time. But not anymore I have my laptop back now. Also today is the international friendly between Sweden and England. Last week England beat the top team in the world, the european and world champions, Spain. I wonder what the score will be tonight. England haven't beaten Sweden since 1968, during which 12 games have been played. I half hope that England win, but I also half hope that Sweden win too.
Anyway to the match.. later people :P
There was a constant competition to try and get the desktop always, because everyone on in the family wanted to get on at the same time. But not anymore I have my laptop back now. Also today is the international friendly between Sweden and England. Last week England beat the top team in the world, the european and world champions, Spain. I wonder what the score will be tonight. England haven't beaten Sweden since 1968, during which 12 games have been played. I half hope that England win, but I also half hope that Sweden win too.
Anyway to the match.. later people :P
Friday, 28 October 2011
Musings
So, Life thats always a tricky one because there is so much to it and it can be so hard and everything like that.
In my last post I wasn't feeling that great I was quite upset, but its amazing when I think about it how sorry I am for writing that post. What has been written can't be taken back.
So this thing life, this incredibly hard thing. No one tells you when you are litte that there will be lots of hard choices and moments where you feel like you just want to do something really stupid like take your own life. But ones determination is based on the capacity to take these problems in ones stride.
I remember when I was little I used to go to the scouts field and play games using my imagination and a stick, I would imagine that I was on alien planets or in the jungle trying to survive and not be captured by the enemy, or hell one time I imagined that the world was taken over by zombies and I had to survive for what in my mind was months or even years when in reality it was only a few hours.
These are the days that you should think back to when everything goes wrongly, or at least I do. The days where big life choices where nowhere to be seen and love was a figment of my imagination brought about by an infatuation. I think that last part might still be the way I see love.
Today I got a letter from my university about my graduation, and I have been thinking whether or not I should attend it, but all I can think about is my past, and how sometimes I long for the days where the only real choice I had to make was whether or not I would be surviving zombies or aliens.
Life is this big thing that exists sometimes just to see how we can cope, and I admit that sometimes I don't really do that well not compared to a long time ago when I could stay in a field for hours on end shooting imaginary targets with a stick that my imagination had turned into an awesome gun.
How well do you cope at life and what do you think about when everything goes tits up?
In my last post I wasn't feeling that great I was quite upset, but its amazing when I think about it how sorry I am for writing that post. What has been written can't be taken back.
So this thing life, this incredibly hard thing. No one tells you when you are litte that there will be lots of hard choices and moments where you feel like you just want to do something really stupid like take your own life. But ones determination is based on the capacity to take these problems in ones stride.
I remember when I was little I used to go to the scouts field and play games using my imagination and a stick, I would imagine that I was on alien planets or in the jungle trying to survive and not be captured by the enemy, or hell one time I imagined that the world was taken over by zombies and I had to survive for what in my mind was months or even years when in reality it was only a few hours.
These are the days that you should think back to when everything goes wrongly, or at least I do. The days where big life choices where nowhere to be seen and love was a figment of my imagination brought about by an infatuation. I think that last part might still be the way I see love.
Today I got a letter from my university about my graduation, and I have been thinking whether or not I should attend it, but all I can think about is my past, and how sometimes I long for the days where the only real choice I had to make was whether or not I would be surviving zombies or aliens.
Life is this big thing that exists sometimes just to see how we can cope, and I admit that sometimes I don't really do that well not compared to a long time ago when I could stay in a field for hours on end shooting imaginary targets with a stick that my imagination had turned into an awesome gun.
How well do you cope at life and what do you think about when everything goes tits up?
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Today is the day I DIED!
Today is the day I died, and you did it. You the person that I love, the person I trusted the most, the person that I thought was one of my best friends; hell lets face it my girlfriend.
You broke up with me today because you don't feel the same way about me and I felt like you had stabbed a knife throught my chest straint into the muscle that is supposed to be the strongest in the body. You killed me today, and thats that. I think I should probably move on but I doubt that will happen, because I love you. I still do, I will for a long time I think. And it hurts like hell because you want to remain my friend, you want to still go to the Blink 182 concert that I bought tickets for.
Appart from that I was turned down for yet another job because I can't do maths. what am idiot I am
I hope you are happy with your choice, even thought I am hopeful for the future.
You broke up with me today because you don't feel the same way about me and I felt like you had stabbed a knife throught my chest straint into the muscle that is supposed to be the strongest in the body. You killed me today, and thats that. I think I should probably move on but I doubt that will happen, because I love you. I still do, I will for a long time I think. And it hurts like hell because you want to remain my friend, you want to still go to the Blink 182 concert that I bought tickets for.
Appart from that I was turned down for yet another job because I can't do maths. what am idiot I am
I hope you are happy with your choice, even thought I am hopeful for the future.
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Things are trickier than I thought
Things are trickier than I previously thought. I mean that I thought that once I finished university I would sail into a job, regardless because thats what happened to me at 16 I finished school, went to college and was given a job a few weeks after I finished school. But now I realise that it is much harder because it is half 3 in the morning (2:30) and I am blogging about sitting on my backside being on the dole. It is a horrible feeling, not to be doing something with your life, I feel as if I were wasting away not having a job, having way too much time on my hands.
For the life of me I wish I had a job, I wish that I hadn't quit my previous job. I found out when I quit that there was a branch in Hull. At the moment I feel my life is full of doubts and what ifs. I regret none of the decisions that I made, not even quitting becuase if I was working then maybe I wouldn't have had met a very special person.
I know I need to do something with my life, and I apply for jobs but it seems that no one wants me, I think I may have some unemployable quality to my character but alas I am not sure. I guess that at the moment all I can do is just keep applying for jobs, because I hope that in the long run it is worth it.
I think that I should head off to bed now, because I have a hard day ahead of me, possibly sittin on my backside or applying for jobs that I probably won't hear back from.
For the life of me I wish I had a job, I wish that I hadn't quit my previous job. I found out when I quit that there was a branch in Hull. At the moment I feel my life is full of doubts and what ifs. I regret none of the decisions that I made, not even quitting becuase if I was working then maybe I wouldn't have had met a very special person.
I know I need to do something with my life, and I apply for jobs but it seems that no one wants me, I think I may have some unemployable quality to my character but alas I am not sure. I guess that at the moment all I can do is just keep applying for jobs, because I hope that in the long run it is worth it.
I think that I should head off to bed now, because I have a hard day ahead of me, possibly sittin on my backside or applying for jobs that I probably won't hear back from.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Baking!
Today my mother showed me how to make my own pastry, sweet pastry at that. I baked some jam tarts and an apple and pear pie, I will be making custard later to go with the pie. I must admit that it seems a bit pointless in me baking these things if I am not going to eat them. But in any case here are pictures and I hope that the rest of my family enjoys the baked goods.
both jam tarts and apple and pear pie/tart are something I can't eat because of my diet.
On the dinner front thought I am cooking a chicken kebab type thing with some potato bake for everyone else and for me, with a salad. I hope that the chicken kebab turns out right. Here is the recipe if anyone wants it.
I hope that this diet goes well for me, at the moment I am trying it for a month and then upon seeing the results I feel I will decide whether or not to continue.
Peace out for now peoples..
both jam tarts and apple and pear pie/tart are something I can't eat because of my diet.
On the dinner front thought I am cooking a chicken kebab type thing with some potato bake for everyone else and for me, with a salad. I hope that the chicken kebab turns out right. Here is the recipe if anyone wants it.
I hope that this diet goes well for me, at the moment I am trying it for a month and then upon seeing the results I feel I will decide whether or not to continue.
Peace out for now peoples..
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Meatzza!!
I plan to post a lot more because it could be helpful with this new diet I am trying, and I know the small conglomerate of people that read this must be thinking "you're a guy, guys don't do diets" well as much as guys don't do diets, I am and I am combining that with daily exercise because I want to lose weight. I don't want to be a huge fatman all of my life and I think that losing weight is good to do.
 | |
| My meatzza with proscuttio crudo, frankfurters onion and garlic. |
That diet combined with working out and motivation should help me loose weight.
Now for other news, I have decided not to go back to university for a while I feel that I am loosing taste for it and that's not a good thing if I want to eventually get a PhD. So in the meantime I am looking for a job both here in England and in Sweden. Hopefully Sweden gets back to me on the job front I'd rather be there than in England, my reasons for that are my own.
To consolidate the job in Sweden, I have been learning Swedish, and I hope that it is going great, the reason I hope is that I am really biased against myself, I feel that I am not good at it. I have been told that I have progressed a lot in a year (that's how long I have been learning Swedish).
Anyway wish me luck with the diet, job-seeking and Swedish. I'm going to go now before my meatzza gets cold. oh and the recipe for it can be found here:
http://www.lchfrecept.com/ShowRecepy.aspx?ID=952
It is in Swedish, but it's pretty simple to follow regardless of language barriers.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
Goodbyes
Earlier this week I caught the last episode of season 10 of Friends, now everyone knows about friends.. it has been around for that long, and for the most part it seems like one of those cheesy late 90's early 00's TV sitcoms... And mostly that's what it is, but its a great one, because some of the episodes you just don't forget.
So I was watching E4, it's a channel in England where friends is pretty much played non-stop or it seems that way. And I turned the TV on and it was already on E4... And that particular episode makes me cry a little, but also think.
I think about when she leaves, and hopefully she'll be like "I have to get off this plane, right now!" just to see me again, then show up at my door like a pleasant surprise. Or I think about chasing her in the airport, just so I can let her know how I feel about her.
It's TV shows that show things like that, that make me want to do that and succeed that make me feel like one day I want to be that romantic, and spontaneous. I guess that ultimately it's that spontaneity that makes the idea of chasing someone through an airport to tell them how I feel, or getting of an aeroplane when it's going to leave that makes it a romantic notion.
If you guys have any thoughts on it, feel free to tell me to shut up or something..
So I was watching E4, it's a channel in England where friends is pretty much played non-stop or it seems that way. And I turned the TV on and it was already on E4... And that particular episode makes me cry a little, but also think.
I think about when she leaves, and hopefully she'll be like "I have to get off this plane, right now!" just to see me again, then show up at my door like a pleasant surprise. Or I think about chasing her in the airport, just so I can let her know how I feel about her.
It's TV shows that show things like that, that make me want to do that and succeed that make me feel like one day I want to be that romantic, and spontaneous. I guess that ultimately it's that spontaneity that makes the idea of chasing someone through an airport to tell them how I feel, or getting of an aeroplane when it's going to leave that makes it a romantic notion.
If you guys have any thoughts on it, feel free to tell me to shut up or something..
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