To be.. or not to be..

I have recently watched Hamlet done by the Royal Shakespeare Company for the BBC, the David Tennant and Patrick Stewart one, directed by Gregory Doran. I found Tennant's Hamlet to be quite the take on the character. He was portrayed as even more of an emotional wreck that he seems. There is one scene with hamlet that everyone knows, yet no-one really knows. It is the famous soliloquy from act 3 scene 1, or the "nunnery scene", here is the video:

Hamlet believes himself alone in the throne room, but Polonius and Claudius are watching because they believe him mad from neglected love between himself and Ophelia. Ophelia comes in at the end of the speech, which is where the name "the nunnery scene" stems from. This rendition of that soliloquy seems to cut right through you, because he is looking into the camera, and it is like peering into an incredibly private moment of dark thought. I particularly like it because there is much emotion thrown into it, its like every word crackles with emotion!

For those who do not know the soliloquy, here it is:

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end 
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocksThat Flesh is heir to?
'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. 
To die to sleep,To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered. 

I'm back at uni...

Earlier this year I decided I would go back to university, probably the best thing I have ever done. However at this current moment in time I am exactly where I was 4 years ago, in a strange place knowing no-one. I can tell you that it sucks to be in that position especially when two years ago I was surrounded by people I knew here, was doing quite a bit. yet now all I do is sit in my room watching stupid things because I have no where to go or anyone to hang out with. Freshers week hasn't even started yet, and I still have a week to go before it has!

I have had a lot of time this past year to reflect on what kind of a person I am, and as I see it at the moment I am not a very good one. I am, putting it politely, a nuisance. I just bother people! I have had so many problems this past year, I have been quite depressed about not having a job or being at uni, I am still depressed about being broken up with; but as I see it, it was definitely the best choice for her because I am a mess!

If I had of gone back last year then, I'd definitely be in a better place in terms of where I am in my life. My goal is to start studying in Sweden next year, but the way I am going at the moment that's no going to happen. The thought that it won't happen scares the crap out of me, because if I fail that then what else do I have to do. Nothing! I have to get there for my own sake! I need it, I want it so bad!

The first step is getting a job, because in Sweden it is expensive to live there and just everything is ridiculously priced in my opinion, but that's just probably because I am from a relatively cheaper country. More importantly once I have gotten a job, the next step is to improve my Swedish, which at the moment is really rather limited. Once my Swedish is a lot better and once I have recomposed myself then I can get onto the next step which is to win that girl back! Then after that the obvious stuff is next, find a place to live in Sweden, as well as a job; because lets face it I'm going to need one over there!

Other goals that I have got going on this year, that is no where as important as getting a job, is to loose weight I have a goal to get to by Christmas and it'll work, because this academic year I am really focused I want everything that I have set my sights on! I will get everything I have set my sights on! 

Points of View!

To start off with, I will define Point of view!

point of view
— n  , pl points of view
1.	a position from which someone or something is observed
2.	a mental viewpoint or attitude
3.	the mental position from which a story is observed or narrated:the omniscient point of view

point of view. Dictionary.com. Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. HarperCollins Publishers. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/point of view (accessed: September 01, 2012).

As stated above by the Collins English Dictionary a point of view is something that someone thinks about someone/thing, emphasis on the thinks.

As one who has previously consumed alcohol, the way I feel about it now is very confusing and weird for me. From going from enjoying a night out to absolutely despising the yeasty abomination that is alcohol! I know how the feelings came about, they came about because I was with someone whom themselves hated alcohol, and the way I felt every time I went out and she wasn't going anywhere not due to her being under age but due to a hatred that festered from some unknown place. 

And now the tables are turned, I didn't think I was at a stage where I would really despise anyone whom I knew and drunk alcohol for no other reasons than to just get drunk. She is now going out and socialising with people in environments where she, herself consumes alcohol. For some unknown reason that leaves me feeling nothingness I hate it but I have gotten to a point where I, myself feel that I can do nothing or feel nothing just to try and separate myself from this huge engulfing sadness that ensues at the thought of her or anyone I know for that matter, drinking alcohol.

Why can I not go back to the way I was, not necessarily consuming mass amounts of alcohol, or really any alcohol for that matter. I would enjoy going back to a time where I didn't feel sad at the thought of someone I hold dear to myself drinking. I have been told not to view her as drinking to get drunk as if she dislikes a drink she'd be happy drinking a non-alcohol variant. But as one with an extreme point of view on alcohol, it is rather hard to do this.

What has made me inherit this extreme point of view? What is it I can do to rid myself of this extreme point of view?