Musings

So, Life thats always a tricky one because there is so much to it and it can be so hard and everything like that.
In my last post I wasn't feeling that great I was quite upset, but its amazing when I think about it how sorry I am for writing that post. What has been written can't be taken back.

So this thing life, this incredibly hard thing. No one tells you when you are litte that there will be lots of hard choices and moments where you feel like you just want to do something really stupid like take your own life. But ones determination is based on the capacity to take these problems in ones stride.

I remember when I was little I used to go to the scouts field and play games using my imagination and a stick, I would imagine that I was on alien planets or in the jungle trying to survive and not be captured by the enemy, or hell one time I imagined that the world was taken over by zombies and I had to survive for what in my mind was months or even years when in reality it was only a few hours.

These are the days that you should think back to when everything goes wrongly, or at least I do. The days where big life choices where nowhere to be seen and love was a figment of my imagination brought about by an infatuation. I think that last part might still be the way I see love.

Today I got a letter from my university about my graduation, and I have been thinking whether or not I should attend it, but all I can think about is my past, and how sometimes I long for the days where the only real choice I had to make was whether or not I would be surviving zombies or aliens.

Life is this big thing that exists sometimes just to see how we can cope, and I admit that sometimes I don't really do that well not compared to a long time ago when I could stay in a field for hours on end shooting imaginary targets with a stick that my imagination had turned into an awesome gun.

How well do you cope at life and what do you think about when everything goes tits up?

Today is the day I DIED!

Today is the day I died, and you did it. You the person that I love, the person I trusted the most, the person that I thought was one of my best friends; hell lets face it my girlfriend.

You broke up with me today because you don't feel the same way about me and I felt like you had stabbed a knife throught my chest straint into the muscle that is supposed to be the strongest in the body. You killed me today, and thats that. I think I should probably move on but I doubt that will happen, because I love you. I still do, I will for a long time I think. And it hurts like hell because you want to remain my friend, you want to still go to the Blink 182 concert that I bought tickets for.

Appart from that I was turned down for yet another job because I can't do maths. what am idiot I am

I hope you are happy with your choice, even thought I am hopeful for the future.

Things are trickier than I thought

Things are trickier than I previously thought. I mean that I thought that once I finished university I would sail into a job, regardless because thats what happened to me at 16 I finished school, went to college and was given a job a few weeks after I finished school. But now I realise that it is much harder because it is half 3 in the morning (2:30) and I am blogging about sitting on my backside being on the dole. It is a horrible feeling, not to be doing something with your life, I feel as if I were wasting away not having a job, having way too much time on my hands.

For the life of me I wish I had a job, I wish that I hadn't quit my previous job. I found out when I quit that there was a branch in Hull. At the moment I feel my life is full of doubts and what ifs. I regret none of the decisions that I made, not even quitting becuase if I was working then maybe I wouldn't have had met a very special person.

I know I need to do something with my life, and I apply for jobs but it seems that no one wants me, I think I may have some unemployable quality to my character but alas I am not sure. I guess that at the moment all I can do is just keep applying for jobs, because I hope that in the long run it is worth it.

I think that I should head off to bed now, because I have a hard day ahead of me, possibly sittin on my backside or applying for jobs that I probably won't hear back from.