Cheestrings

I am eating a cheestring right now.. the name of course is trademark of Kerry foods and copyright protected.. now that the legal bit is over I think I can state that this has nothing to do with cheestrings.. I was stuck for a title name.

It is two months into 2012 and already it sucks, now being an atheist I can't really blame God or Allah or any religious deity, monotheistic or not.. So I shall do what I think every atheist does and blame the Universe. As it goes I am still jobless so the possibility of University comes back into play, but it is a lot to pay £9000 for a year. We'll see how that one works out.

At the moment I am feeling rather melancholy and that about sums things up. I believe that I would be a psychologists wet dream, but then again I would reason that anyone in maybe a similar would probably think that, or maybe its because I am arrogant.. its probably the latter. Later today hopefully I am going to give blood, I would reason that I am doing that now because its the only way I can hurt myself legitimately and then help someone too. And now I am wishing that my bone marrow is a match to someone so that doctors can stick a giant needle into my hip, and because I am the way I am, I would say no to anaesthetic.

I'll tell you what blog, I have no idea what to do with my life any more. I had it all sorted out, I was going to go to university and get a degree, I only came out with a foundation degree, and then I was going to get a job in the chemistry sector, because I love working in the lab. I had even hoped that I could eventually have kids. Its all good and well to plan your life like this, but in reality none of it goes the way you want it too, at university I fell in love, with a girl that is the most amazing girl in the entire world, and that was good for like 2 and a half years, I honestly have no idea how the hell she put up with me. And people may say that she was my first love bla bla bla you'll feel strongly when you break up bla bla bla.. Now that's all fan-tabby-dosey but the way I feel is that honestly she was teh one, you know the one you hear about in films and shit, and she slipped through my fingers, and I let it happen, I let the relationship decline to such a point where we were constantly arguing and she didn't feel the same about me any more. As far as cliché goes it could be said that if she was the one then she will come back round or some such thing.

It stands to  reason that in physics things happen in pairs, there is no singularity even at a quantum level.. or something like that.. remember I am only a chemist.. but if I go by that then logically there is someone else whom I can feel strongly about.. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a Hydrogen molecule, yes I am making a chemistry analogy so don't leave yet, think about it a Hydrogen molecule can only make a bond with one other molecule so in that way it is monogamous. Now I am not  endorsing polygamy or anything in that sense because this strictly refers to non-married couples and everyone else. So if a Hydrogen molecule bonds with something else it gives its only electron to do so thus creating a bond now say if a carbon molecule came alone, it can bond with 4 hydrogen molecules often creating double and triple bonds now obviously these are stronger than single bonds but if a hydrogen molecule is in a double bond with oxygen or carbon then how does the hydrogen molecule get over the fact that it was gotten rid of in a reaction.. and that's relatively how I feel so I wish that I was something along the lines of carbon or oxygen.. but I'm not.. I guess I have to get over her the best that I can.

In all honesty that chemistry analogy seems rather shoddy now that I have read through it.. I think that she was the one.. the one that I could have spent the rest of my life with, but I guess she didn't feel the same way. I guess only time will tell, and only time can heal these massive gouges I have in my heart, obviously the one that feels so the metaphorical not literal.

And as an end to this post.. I leave with this.. Cheestrings are nice.. and its weird how no-one really uses a diary any more, people have gotten braver with their feelings and shizz..