It seems like forever since I posted, and it seems so melancholy when I read it! What a downer, haha.
So in the time since my last post I found that I passed my degree with a 2:2 which isn't a spectacular grade but it'll do! Hopefully it was enough for me to gain entry onto a masters level course! hopefully in organic chemistry.
I also had a job for all of 8 weeks, which I guess at the end of the day I can't complain about, because it was in a lab. Even though there was minimal science, that's cosmetic science for you :P, it was an experience! An experience that has reinforced the fact that cosmetic science isn't the route I want to go down. I think i have firmly rooted myself into going in to Organic Chemistry.
Well apart from that it's been pretty boring, looking for a job so on so forth, playing mmorpg's as well as my xbox, please no console debates :P they both have pro's and cons, and now I look forward to the future and what it brings, hopefully I will continue in academia in the autumn of next year, I have missed deadlines to get in this autumn because of the job.
Oh well, onwards and upwards is the only way to go!
Tuesday 8 April 2014
Tuesday 27 August 2013
Twas the night before, and all through the house..
It's the night before my final exam at this university, and all I can think of is you.. It's been a while since we were together; but I feel I need you right now to tell me that it's going to be fine, that I'll pass.. I wish you would tell me.
Why my thoughts before my final exam are of you and not the various solid state chemistry that I need to know, I don't know.. I once didn't need this from anyone, then you came along and it seemed like I needed your constant approval, you should know by now that I am not as strong as I once may have been.
Please tell me it'll be fine, that I'll pass, that I won't need to do anything else for this degree, just a message will do, no..? Nothing alright then...
On to sleep, I should be well rested for tomorrow's exam.
Friday 5 July 2013
Graduated, but wait there's more?!
I learnt a few days ago that I have passed my final year, and I must say that I am elated, ecstatic even... I am so happy that I have passed my final year of university, but at the same time I am quite disappointed in myself, I graduated with a 3rd class degree.. With that class of degree my career is over before it even had a chance to start, but wait there's more; my amazing lecturers have decided to let me resit my final exam so I can get a better class of degree!
How amazing is that? Not many people get a chance to get a better mark once they know they have passed. I am very thankful to all of my lecturers for letting me resit I know I can do better and evidently so do they!
So with a BSc (Hons) under my belt I am now free to pursue my MSc in Sweden like I wanted to, or I may even go somewhere else who knows what will happen, I just believe that my education here in the UK is finished.
In other news I am getting a new tattoo, I a getting a sleeve of various game and manga/anime characters, I have no idea how long or how much money it will take to get the whole sleeve finished but I know that I want it.
I am off now to dream of having a sheesha, unfortunately there isn't a huge Arabic community where I live to indulge myself with the luxury of a sheesha, it will happen soon enough; I crave it, I crave the blue mist that I was fortunate enough to try through my friends. How I miss it.
Monday 17 December 2012
Tragic
Over the last while I have been shocked and appalled at America, this isn't America bashing either. I find it shocking and appalling that America is the only place that you hear of "mass shootings". It is shocking that a person with a firearm is allowed to just walk into a cinema and shoot people, to walk into a primary school and kill 20 children that haven't even lived a life yet! It is appalling that these things happen, I'm not saying the UK is a perfect place, to be quite frank nowhere is, but for a guy to walk into a primary school, or a cinema, or other schools, workplaces, corporate buildings, government buildings whatever and then just shoot people.
Yeah I understand that kids get bullied (a reason for several school shootings) and people are depressed, but does that really give the right to kill? Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye, would make the whole world blind" And it seems to be going that way!
The reason for this post is the recent killing of 27 people in a primary school in America. I'm not one to usually comment on things really but this just boils my wick, it gets on my nerves.. Its great that America has certain rights that its constitution gives each citizen, but the one where it enables practically everyone to have guns (I say practically because I do not exactly know the specifics of that constitutional right, it is my understanding of it, feel free to correct it) to defend their homes or land or whatever, yeah that's great and all, but according to UNODC figures, the US has a firearm homicide rate of 2.97 per 100,000 people, something needs to be changed. I understand that other countries have a higher firearm homicide rate and those countries need to improve their firearms regulations, but the US has had its schools shot up for too long now, it certainly has a colourful history of pupils in schools being killed.
The first recorded shooting was in the 1700's and every century since then, there has been quite a few. During the last 20 years collectively there has been nearly 400 deaths from shootings in schools, hell in 1998-1999 nearly 4,000 American students, that were children for the most part, were expelled from their respective schools for bring a firearm to school. If that doesn't scream for the crackdown of firearm control then I don't know what does!
To be honest I want this to be the last one, the recent killing of primary school children should be the last, mankind will always find ways to kill each other, but when that involves a 20 year old, going into a primary school with a firearm then killing 20 innocent 6 and 7 year old's along with 6 teachers, then there's something wrong with the constitution that allows that. Because that's what allowing the public to have firearms does, it gives them the thought that when someone has wronged them in some way, they can go and kill some people!
It makes you wonder what kind of world and society we live in, one that allows that to happen. It certainly doesn't do much for the god-fearing people, because honestly what kind of god would allow that? I mean if god was willing but not able then that would not make your god omnipotent, but if he was able but not willing then your god is malevolent, and if finally your god is not willing nor able then why call him god?
Its a terrible shame when children are killed, a terrible shame when one person decides that 20, 6 and 7 year old's have lived as much of a life as they are allowed before cutting it short, who knows there could have been one or many that could solve that many problems of human kind, or discover intelligent life in the universe (because we are still a very very violent race, so we are not really that intelligent are we?) or a cure for cancer, or the next great composition anything could have come from those children, is the point.
So my condolences go out to the parents who never get to hug their child again, to the families that will never celebrate another birthday for that child, for the loss of life to mankind.
Yeah I understand that kids get bullied (a reason for several school shootings) and people are depressed, but does that really give the right to kill? Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye, would make the whole world blind" And it seems to be going that way!
The reason for this post is the recent killing of 27 people in a primary school in America. I'm not one to usually comment on things really but this just boils my wick, it gets on my nerves.. Its great that America has certain rights that its constitution gives each citizen, but the one where it enables practically everyone to have guns (I say practically because I do not exactly know the specifics of that constitutional right, it is my understanding of it, feel free to correct it) to defend their homes or land or whatever, yeah that's great and all, but according to UNODC figures, the US has a firearm homicide rate of 2.97 per 100,000 people, something needs to be changed. I understand that other countries have a higher firearm homicide rate and those countries need to improve their firearms regulations, but the US has had its schools shot up for too long now, it certainly has a colourful history of pupils in schools being killed.
The first recorded shooting was in the 1700's and every century since then, there has been quite a few. During the last 20 years collectively there has been nearly 400 deaths from shootings in schools, hell in 1998-1999 nearly 4,000 American students, that were children for the most part, were expelled from their respective schools for bring a firearm to school. If that doesn't scream for the crackdown of firearm control then I don't know what does!
To be honest I want this to be the last one, the recent killing of primary school children should be the last, mankind will always find ways to kill each other, but when that involves a 20 year old, going into a primary school with a firearm then killing 20 innocent 6 and 7 year old's along with 6 teachers, then there's something wrong with the constitution that allows that. Because that's what allowing the public to have firearms does, it gives them the thought that when someone has wronged them in some way, they can go and kill some people!
It makes you wonder what kind of world and society we live in, one that allows that to happen. It certainly doesn't do much for the god-fearing people, because honestly what kind of god would allow that? I mean if god was willing but not able then that would not make your god omnipotent, but if he was able but not willing then your god is malevolent, and if finally your god is not willing nor able then why call him god?
Its a terrible shame when children are killed, a terrible shame when one person decides that 20, 6 and 7 year old's have lived as much of a life as they are allowed before cutting it short, who knows there could have been one or many that could solve that many problems of human kind, or discover intelligent life in the universe (because we are still a very very violent race, so we are not really that intelligent are we?) or a cure for cancer, or the next great composition anything could have come from those children, is the point.
So my condolences go out to the parents who never get to hug their child again, to the families that will never celebrate another birthday for that child, for the loss of life to mankind.
Tuesday 18 September 2012
To be.. or not to be..
I have recently watched Hamlet done by the Royal Shakespeare Company for the BBC, the David Tennant and Patrick Stewart one, directed by Gregory Doran. I found Tennant's Hamlet to be quite the take on the character. He was portrayed as even more of an emotional wreck that he seems. There is one scene with hamlet that everyone knows, yet no-one really knows. It is the famous soliloquy from act 3 scene 1, or the "nunnery scene", here is the video:
Hamlet believes himself alone in the throne room, but Polonius and Claudius are watching because they believe him mad from neglected love between himself and Ophelia. Ophelia comes in at the end of the speech, which is where the name "the nunnery scene" stems from. This rendition of that soliloquy seems to cut right through you, because he is looking into the camera, and it is like peering into an incredibly private moment of dark thought. I particularly like it because there is much emotion thrown into it, its like every word crackles with emotion!
For those who do not know the soliloquy, here it is:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocksThat Flesh is heir to?
'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished.
To die to sleep,To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Hamlet believes himself alone in the throne room, but Polonius and Claudius are watching because they believe him mad from neglected love between himself and Ophelia. Ophelia comes in at the end of the speech, which is where the name "the nunnery scene" stems from. This rendition of that soliloquy seems to cut right through you, because he is looking into the camera, and it is like peering into an incredibly private moment of dark thought. I particularly like it because there is much emotion thrown into it, its like every word crackles with emotion!
For those who do not know the soliloquy, here it is:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocksThat Flesh is heir to?
'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished.
To die to sleep,To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Sunday 16 September 2012
I'm back at uni...
Earlier this year I decided I would go back to university, probably the best thing I have ever done. However at this current moment in time I am exactly where I was 4 years ago, in a strange place knowing no-one. I can tell you that it sucks to be in that position especially when two years ago I was surrounded by people I knew here, was doing quite a bit. yet now all I do is sit in my room watching stupid things because I have no where to go or anyone to hang out with. Freshers week hasn't even started yet, and I still have a week to go before it has!
I have had a lot of time this past year to reflect on what kind of a person I am, and as I see it at the moment I am not a very good one. I am, putting it politely, a nuisance. I just bother people! I have had so many problems this past year, I have been quite depressed about not having a job or being at uni, I am still depressed about being broken up with; but as I see it, it was definitely the best choice for her because I am a mess!
If I had of gone back last year then, I'd definitely be in a better place in terms of where I am in my life. My goal is to start studying in Sweden next year, but the way I am going at the moment that's no going to happen. The thought that it won't happen scares the crap out of me, because if I fail that then what else do I have to do. Nothing! I have to get there for my own sake! I need it, I want it so bad!
The first step is getting a job, because in Sweden it is expensive to live there and just everything is ridiculously priced in my opinion, but that's just probably because I am from a relatively cheaper country. More importantly once I have gotten a job, the next step is to improve my Swedish, which at the moment is really rather limited. Once my Swedish is a lot better and once I have recomposed myself then I can get onto the next step which is to win that girl back! Then after that the obvious stuff is next, find a place to live in Sweden, as well as a job; because lets face it I'm going to need one over there!
Other goals that I have got going on this year, that is no where as important as getting a job, is to loose weight I have a goal to get to by Christmas and it'll work, because this academic year I am really focused I want everything that I have set my sights on! I will get everything I have set my sights on!
Sunday 2 September 2012
Points of View!
To start off with, I will define Point of view!
point of view. Dictionary.com. Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. HarperCollins Publishers. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/point of view (accessed: September 01, 2012).
As stated above by the Collins English Dictionary a point of view is something that someone thinks about someone/thing, emphasis on the thinks.
As one who has previously consumed alcohol, the way I feel about it now is very confusing and weird for me. From going from enjoying a night out to absolutely despising the yeasty abomination that is alcohol! I know how the feelings came about, they came about because I was with someone whom themselves hated alcohol, and the way I felt every time I went out and she wasn't going anywhere not due to her being under age but due to a hatred that festered from some unknown place.
And now the tables are turned, I didn't think I was at a stage where I would really despise anyone whom I knew and drunk alcohol for no other reasons than to just get drunk. She is now going out and socialising with people in environments where she, herself consumes alcohol. For some unknown reason that leaves me feeling nothingness I hate it but I have gotten to a point where I, myself feel that I can do nothing or feel nothing just to try and separate myself from this huge engulfing sadness that ensues at the thought of her or anyone I know for that matter, drinking alcohol.
Why can I not go back to the way I was, not necessarily consuming mass amounts of alcohol, or really any alcohol for that matter. I would enjoy going back to a time where I didn't feel sad at the thought of someone I hold dear to myself drinking. I have been told not to view her as drinking to get drunk as if she dislikes a drink she'd be happy drinking a non-alcohol variant. But as one with an extreme point of view on alcohol, it is rather hard to do this.
What has made me inherit this extreme point of view? What is it I can do to rid myself of this extreme point of view?
| point of view | |
| — n , pl points of view | |
| 1. | a position from which someone or something is observed |
| 2. | a mental viewpoint or attitude |
| 3. | the mental position from which a story is observed or narrated:the omniscient point of view |
As stated above by the Collins English Dictionary a point of view is something that someone thinks about someone/thing, emphasis on the thinks.
As one who has previously consumed alcohol, the way I feel about it now is very confusing and weird for me. From going from enjoying a night out to absolutely despising the yeasty abomination that is alcohol! I know how the feelings came about, they came about because I was with someone whom themselves hated alcohol, and the way I felt every time I went out and she wasn't going anywhere not due to her being under age but due to a hatred that festered from some unknown place.
And now the tables are turned, I didn't think I was at a stage where I would really despise anyone whom I knew and drunk alcohol for no other reasons than to just get drunk. She is now going out and socialising with people in environments where she, herself consumes alcohol. For some unknown reason that leaves me feeling nothingness I hate it but I have gotten to a point where I, myself feel that I can do nothing or feel nothing just to try and separate myself from this huge engulfing sadness that ensues at the thought of her or anyone I know for that matter, drinking alcohol.
Why can I not go back to the way I was, not necessarily consuming mass amounts of alcohol, or really any alcohol for that matter. I would enjoy going back to a time where I didn't feel sad at the thought of someone I hold dear to myself drinking. I have been told not to view her as drinking to get drunk as if she dislikes a drink she'd be happy drinking a non-alcohol variant. But as one with an extreme point of view on alcohol, it is rather hard to do this.
What has made me inherit this extreme point of view? What is it I can do to rid myself of this extreme point of view?
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